Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Top 10 Best YouTube Videos Ever

This list is in no particular order and was NOT stolen from another individual. Copyright Infringement will not be tolerated and all property goes to Steven Chung....AH SCREW IT! I don't what you want. :) 

- Blog #28:
I love YouTube. Who wouldn't love YouTube? This list composites some of the best things I've ever seen on YouTube. Keep in mind, though. What's featured on here are videos that have not been copyrighted, stolen by somebody else, or anything pertaining to lawsuits. You're not going to be seeing music videos from pop artists, or footage from a popular movie, no trailers, nothing that could be seen on TV, and (since they exist on YouTube, as well...) no...pornography flicks. These videos had to be made from just your "Average Joe" and turned into something epic, funny, or just plain awesome. Since there's millions of videos out there, don't be a b!tch and complain that a certain video isn't on here. I reiterate often in my blogs that these are MY set-lists. Not yours. There won't be any explanations in the entries from me, this time. Let the videos do all the talking!

1. The "Ryan vs Dorkman" Lightsaber Fights 


2. The "Bowser's Kingdom" Series (The Life of a Goomba and a Koopa)



4. Smosh: Pokémon in Real Life!

5. Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)


6. "Rocky Road Ripple" (You have to watch 'til the end! His channel is great!)


7. The ShamWOOHOO! 


8. Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise


9. "Ooooo...look! Something awesome! Ohhhhh wait..." (Gotta love these...)


10. C'mon...we all love puppies.

- Done.

Friday, May 13, 2011

My Top 10 Best and Worst Mario Games (Part 2)

This list is in no particular order and was NOT stolen from another individual. Copyright Infringement will not be tolerated and all property goes to Steven Chung....AH SCREW IT! I don't what you want. :) 

- Blog #27: Alright. Here it is. Even the greatest of the great can produce the worst of the worst. Mario is perhaps the most well known video game character, with the exception of icons like Pac-Man who established video-gaming as we knew it. But, never mind that. Here's some of the Homer Simpson moments of Super Mario! "Wa-Hoo!"

Worst Mario Games

1. Wrecking Crew - Wrecking Crew is one of those games that's been long forgotten, and it's probably best that it forever remains that way. After playing this game once, one question was floating in my mind. "Isn't Mario supposed to be a plumber and not a demolition worker?" It was that question, and "Why is Luigi wearing purple?" It was like playing the weaker brother of Donkey Kong, minus the ability to jump. The main basis of Wrecking Crew was like a puzzle game, where you're put in a situation to figure out how to tear down walls and everything else apart in a certain order. Sure, you had the ability to design your own levels. What's the point? It's a very stale game and a very boring one. The only good thing to come out of this game? The music.

2. Hotel Mario - I never even played this one and it's on the list. Why? Check out anything on YouTube that relates to this horrific excuse of a Super Mario World sequel. Yeah. You heard me right. If you've seen what I'm talking about, then you'll know that SHUTTING NOT a Mario game. Bowser gets angry, he kidnaps the princess (surprise, surprise), builds castles in the form of hotels out of spite, and 30 coins now equal What!? THAT'S THE SEQUEL!? Plus, for some reason, the Fantasy Factory developers thought it would be a really good idea to add cheesy cut-scenes throughout the game. This wouldn't be a big deal, if the voice actors were done by Charles Martinet and the cast that exist in our generation. This is one game you don't want to "check out."


3. Super Mario Bros. 2 - You know what? Fan-boys can take a big one up the...coin box...for this one. There was no excuse for Nintendo to produce a game that was flawed before it was even made. Mario fans should know the story behind the creation of this game. If not, then let's recap. The game Super Mario Bros. 2? You know, the one that you call a classic NES game? Well, it's a lie. You're playing a lie. I played a lie. When I found out the truth behind this game, I was honestly shocked beyond belief. Nintendo "stole" the idea for Super Mario Bros. 2 from another game called Doki Doki Panic. They basically took every idea from the original game and changed very little. The only changes made include the title screen, the character replacements, and other pix-elated rift-raft that only a hardcore gamer would notice. Even with these changes, nothing else was re-vamped. The stages, the enemies, the bosses, and the game play were all the same! Now, stepping away from the trial casing for a moment, there are other issues with this game. WHERE'S WART NOW! Where's the final boss, or any of the bosses for that matter, now? The only boss that has made any impact in the Mario series, from Super Mario Bros. 2, is Birdo. And I'm still confused as to whether Birdo is male or female...eerie. At least Nintendo had the decency to RE-re-make this game into something even better than the original, and that would be Super Mario Advance. The controls and game play were improved, and things were made more enjoyable for the player. So, if you've never played this game, then you're not missing anything. Consider it a blessing.

4. Mario Teaches Typing - I'm sorry, but it's not possible to combine a legend like Super Mario with school education. It just doesn't fit, and it worked out miserably with Mario Teaches Typing. The fact that Mario speaks broken-English, and is even teaching English typing, is one thing. But, the music in this game made you literally want to kill a puppy. It was very repetitive and continuously looped to the point where your ears might have started to bleed. Plus, it's typing. There's not much fun in that. I get sore fingers from typing these blogs, but I actually find doing blogs more entertaining than playing this game. This game lacks any form of fun. Seriously. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing is more fun than this game! I guess the game can (maybe) improve your typing skills, but it's not at all an impressive victory for Nintendo.


5. Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix - There are more bad Mario games out there besides the ones that I have posted here, but I can only list games that I've either played or heard about with an extreme degree. Some of those games not included could have actually been worse than this one. Well, here's a game that I have played...and boy was I disappointed. DDR games are supposed to have a very wide selection of songs to chose from, but there are very few here. Plus, the storyline for this game got very boring, very fast. You can still play DDR here, as you normally would with the real thing, but you'll notice that this game is a little easier. I guess the upside here is that a young child could probably enjoy this game, without noticing the negative details that reveal the game for what it really is. Other pluses? Bowser can break-dance like mad! Crazy, dawg! But seriously, not a great game. Music can be pretty catchy! However, it just doesn't make up for how horrible the game play is or how much this game lacks. This game is like a (dare I say)..."Destruction Dance?"

- Done.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Top 10 Best and Worst Mario Games (Part 1)

This list is in no particular order and was NOT stolen from another individual. Copyright Infringement will not be tolerated and all property goes to Steven Chung....AH SCREW IT! I don't what you want. :) 

- Blog #26: It shouldn't come as a surprise that I would chose to do a list like this. This is not plagiarism. It's just a man's opinion over a franchise that remains lovable to this very day. Mario games have been a pleasure to many game-lovers and it's no wonder. Nintendo produced dozens of games that made them millions of dough. Super Mario is no doubt the leading mascot for Nintendo. Sadly, the Zelda series or the Metroid series don't come even close to the plump plumber. What makes Mario so great? That's obvious. The games! Almost every idea has its flaws, but most Mario games have hit it big. With that, I bring you the best and the worst of Mr. "M-for-a-cap" with another addition of my "Opposites Attract" lists. Let's start off with the boring stuff and get on with what I think are the best Mario games out there. In the words of Mario, "Here we go!"

Best Mario Games

1. Super Mario Bros. Deluxe - The NES's original Super Mario Bros. video game was the best-selling game for two decades, only to be ousted by the creation of the Wii and Wii Sports in 2009. Just for that, I'm not even including the original on this list. The original is too good for this list. So, why's this one on here? It not only had Mario, Luigi, Peach, Bowser, and all the levels you know and love. There were extras! And Yoshi (eggs)! It was like playing the classic Mario, with other cool stuff. You could race with Boos, hunt for red coins in each level of the original game, find Yoshi eggs, AND play Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels! There was also a feature in the game where you could print stuff through the "Game Boy Printer", which is something I've never purchased or done. The classic will never be beaten when it comes to the revolution of video-games. But if I had to say which one was more fun to play, it would be the deluxe version.

2. Super Mario Galaxy - Speaking of games that revolutionized a series, Super Mario Galaxy gave a whole new outlook from the precedence of Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine. This game went above and beyond infinity, as physics just don't seem to apply much here. This is one of Mario's greatest plat-formers to ever reach the 20th century. New power-ups were introduced, like the Boo Suit, Bee Suit, or the Spring Suit. Also making an appearance is the Ice-Flower, which is almost equivalent to the effects of the Fire-Flower. When I first saw footage of this game, I thought it would be incredibly challenging to maneuver with the Wii remote. This was not the case. It was very easy and very fun. Other cool characters were introduced to the Mario series as well, like Rosalina and those star-creatures called Lumas. I've never played the sequel to this game (Super Mario Galaxy 2). If the set-up is similar to this game and the use of Yoshi played a pivotal role, then I would've had no doubt that the 2nd galaxy would make a showing on this list. Besides, who doesn't love flying in space?

3. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars - RPG games really know how to put strategy and role-playing together into an awesome game. This game may have exemplified the creations of both the Mario and Luigi series, and even the Paper Mario games (the first two games, anyway). I'm still in shock that a sequel has never been made for this game. I wouldn't be surprised if such a thing were to happen in a few years to come. Bring back Geno! Bring back Mallow! Bring back Smithy! Bring back all those weird and goofy-looking characters that probably nobody remembers! The best thing about this game, aside from the others, is that it was unique in game-play. It was the first time that Mario was put into a Final Fantasy-like  perspective, along with his old friends and new enemies. Super Mario RPG needs a comeback. The producers have to realize this by now. 

4. MarioKart DS - One of the most successful creations that Super Mario had to offer was the introduction to Mario combined with racing. Give Mario and his pals some go-karts and you've got yourself a terrific game. Super Mario Kart set the standard for the series, MarioKart 64 further attracted the paying customers with improved graphics, and MarioKart: Double-Dash improved game-play further with having the new-feature of racing with two players in one car. Now, it came down to a choice between MarioKart Wii and MarioKart DS. When you think about it, it actually wasn't as hard a choice to make as one would come to expect. That's because MarioKart DS has something that none of the other MarioKart games have. What is it? C'mon. Don't think too hard about the matter at hand. Literally, it's the ability to play MarioKart anywhere you go! Being that the DS is the only handheld system to have it's own MarioKart counterpart, it's clear that there is no other rightful game. Another great thing about MarioKart can play with people all over the world! On a handheld! And R.O.B. was a playable character, too! That's cool! 


5. Super Mario World - This one is the one that started the legacy of Yoshi. It's also the game that made Bowser's children more noticeable to the public (which led to an ongoing debate as to where the kids came from...hint-hint -_-). This game is fantastic. Dozens of fun levels that leave you with that warm feeling that you're playing a great game. While many argue that the Tanooki suit or the Super Leaf should return to the Mario games, I argue that the Cape Feather should return. With the Cape Feather, you can REALLY call Mario, "Super!" But what's the best part about this game? C'mon. Use your brain. YOSHI! Everyone loves this dinosaur! Not to beat a dead horse, but Yoshi is one of video game's most iconic, breakout superstars. This game is also one of the main reasons why so many Mario TV shows exist....ok, that's not really a prize winning benefactor. 

- So, you've seen and read what I think are the best of the best Mario games. But, what about the ones that...suck. Hard to believe, but there are some really bad Mario games out there. Which ones will I chose? Find out when Part 2 of this "Opposites Attract" list is published. Until then...   

- Done (for now).

Friday, May 6, 2011

My Top 10 Best Kinds of Anti-Jokes

This list is in no particular order and was NOT stolen from another individual. Copyright Infringement will not be tolerated and all property goes to Steven Chung....AH SCREW IT! I don't what you want. :) 

- Blog #25: I was introduced to Anti-Jokes a few days ago and I couldn't help but laugh at the best that stupidity had to offer. Sometimes the best things in life come from the worst things. The question is how we make the best of it. These are examples of making the worst out of it, but making them seem more...tolerable. Anyway, philosophical stuff aside, some of these lines are damn funny. Not all of them are for the faint of heart. If you've never heard of Anti-Jokes, prepare to be amused. These are my favorites.

1. The Bar Jokes:

- A horse walked into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. Realizing how strange this occurrence was, the bartender immediately calls the local news station and tells them there is a talking horse in his place of business and it would be in their best interest to come do a story on it, because the likelihood of them finding another story of this magnitude is quite slim.    

- There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example example of an integrated community. 

- A man walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole. So, he got hurt.  

- A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck.

- A priest, a minister, and a Rabbi all walk into a bar. Bars serve people of all religions. 


- An Irishman walks out of a bar.   

- How many Jews does it take to change a light-bulb?: Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself.

- So a Hispanic, African American, Jew, and Asian man were walking down the street. They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

- A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy are stranded in the middle of the desert. After many days of not finding food, water, or shelter, they contemplate cannibalism to survive, but they can't decide who to eat. The Mexican dies first for an unrelated reason.   

- A Muslim walked into a bomb shop. Turns out he was in the wrong store. So, he left and went on with his day.

3. Celebrity Jokes:

- What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?: "Get in the car."

- Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle?: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human being.

- If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5, you both have the same amount of money.

- "Is this the Krusty Krab?": No, this is Patrick.

- Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone. He proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

4. Blondes...we love you. Now...please look away:

- How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?: Generally one, but as the situation varies, so does the number. 

- How do you kill a blonde?: Well there are many ways, but all of which are wrong because murder is illegal.

- A blonde walks into a hairdresser's salon. She gets her hair cut.

- Why was the blonde staring at the juice carton?: She was trying to read the nutrition and had forgotten her reading glasses.

- A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

5. Blacks...we love you. Now...please don't beat me up:

- What do you call a black guy driving a plane?: A pilot.

- Why doesn't the black man have a job?: He's working on his masters degree.

- What do you call a black man with no arms or legs sitting on a porch?: "Sir." His life is hard enough without being subject to social rudeness. 

- A black guy walked into a convenience store. He found what he wanted and paid with his credit card.

- How did the black man cross the Atlantic?: He did not. He drowned.

6. "Ooooohhhhhhhhhh...eeeehhhhhhhh":

- How do you fit an elephant inside your car?: Starve it to death, then chop it in pieces.

- Why did the boy drop his ice-cream?: Because he was hit by a bus.

- How do you make a plumber cry?: You kill his family. 

- How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub?: 17.

- How did the fat guy survive the air-crash?: He didn't. He died like everyone else.

7. Literal-Mania:

- What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?: "Where's my tractor?"

- What is red and smells like blue paint?: Red paint.

- Why was six afraid of seven?: It wasn't. Numbers are not sentiment and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

- What's brown and sticky?: A stick.

- What is a vampire's favorite dessert?: Vampires aren't real.

8. Knock-Knock...will you just open the damn door! 

- "Knock Knock."
  "Who's there?"
  "Dave who?"
   Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the    point where she can no longer remember him. 

- "Knock Knock."
  "Who's there?"
  "The police. Your entire family died in a car accident."

- "Knock Knock."
  "Who's there?"
  "I don't know anybody by that name. Go away."

- "Knock Knock."
  "Who's there?"
  "Steve Jensen."
  "Oh, hi Steve! Come on in!"

- "Knock Knock." 
  "There's a f*ckin' doorbell. Use it!"

9. Religion...I follow the ways of humor:

- What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?: The Holocaust. 

- Why do Christians believe in God?: Because believing in God is fundamental in their belief system; if they did not believe in God, they simply wouldn't be Christians. Muslims are in a similar predicament.

- Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?: Tax evasion.

- A Christian asks God why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. God does not answer.

- A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, and the christian says "If you don't believe in God, you will go to hell." The atheist replies, "If there was a benevolent supreme being, logic dictates that there would be proof of his existence other than a 2,000 year old book." They agree to set aside their petty differences and get on with their lives.

10. Potpourri:

- What's green and has wheels?: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

- Haikus are easy,
  But sometimes they don't make sense

- I have a friend who is blind. So, I don't think there's any point in writing a joke on here.

- Roses are red.
  Violets are blue.
  I have a gun.
  Get in the van.

- What's worse than finding a repeated joke on "Anti-Joke?": Finding a real joke on "Anti-Joke."

- Done.